I have a confession to make. And while I've hinted at it on and off a few times over the past few month, I feel that I need to be totally honest. The past few months have been incredibly difficult for me. I got hit wit ha serious bout of the blues. I have a long, long history of depression, it comes and it goes, and it's just one of those things.
One of the reasons I started this blog, way back in January 2010 was that I was once again in a very dark place, and thought that blogging might help me find a way out of it. And I was amazed at how therapeutic I found it. I fought hard, and clawed my way back to a brighter place.
Then this June/July, I started to notice that my mood was dipping low again. I tried to take extra special care of myself, eased off on some of the pressures that I had placed on myself - being a full time mum, homeschooling, blogging, crafting, running a house, an etsy shop.... my life was pretty crazy. I found myself hiding away, not talking to friends - IRL and online. I convinced myself that no-one would miss me if I wasn't online, if I didn't blog, etc. I fell deeper and deeper into that dark pit.
I mentioned here and there that I was feeling a little blue - but TBH I was pretty close to rock bottom. Some days it was all I could do to get out of bed in the morning. Asides from caring for my kiddos, I lost interest in everything else. Somehow I managed to make myself keep on blogging. I knew how hard I've worked on this little space o'mine, and I didn't want to see it disappear.
I really thought at the worst that I could take no-more. And I was ashamed. Ashamed because people were so kind last year, when I was totally lost and in need of a helping hand, people stepped out to help. And I felt bad, that less than a year on, I was back where I started. So, I kept to myself, and tried not to talk about it. Tried to pretend that everything was ok. But that never helps.
I admitted defeat and went back on my meds. I think it is stronger to accept that you need help, than to pretend that you don't. And thankfully now, the darkness has lifted. I can see clearly once again, and I feel like I am 'me' again. To all of you who have stuck around (all summer - not just through this ramble ;p ) THANKYOU.
The down time has given me time to think, and I realised that I was putting to much pressure on myself. I was trying to compete, trying to be someone other than me. Trying to do everything, trying to do what It though I should do, NOT what I want to do. I'm in the process of changing my priorities. Only doing the things that I love. Following my own path.
I'm not sure if that made much sense, it was free-written, honest and from the heart. And un-edited. I guess I wanted to come clean, explain why I've been awol the last couple of months and say that full service will now be resumed ;p
