I'm sick. Again. 10 days ago I had a nasty cold, and a chesty cough. It kinda went away but not entirely. Yesterday I woke up feeling pretty yucky. This morning I'm still feeling the same. I have no voice. I feel exhausted and run down. My body needs to rest and I need to learn to listen to it. I get sick but I have so much to do that I don't stop and rest. I keep going. Keep pushing myself until I collapse. In the last 2 years, the 3 times I've gotten sick, it's ended up with bad chest infections (twice) and pleurisy (once). I'm not good at admitting that I need rest. That I need help. With 3 children to look after, and home school, a house to run, cleaning, cooking, washing, a million and one activities to go to, blogging, painting etc... I don't have the time to just stop and rest. There isn't really anyone who can take over or step in for a day or two when I'm ill.
I've been neglecting myself. So focused on all I 'have' to achieve everyday, that I don't have the time to take care of myself. Remember one of my 52 lists on self care? Well I have to admit I haven't been following it. I might have stopped drinking and smoking, I dont' starve myself or binge and purge anymore.... BUT I'm still abusing my body in other ways. I don't fuel it with nourishing foods, I don't give it time to rest or exercise it.
I stay up late working, but with a baby who gets me up around 6am everyday, I really need to get some early nights, as this lack of sleep is clearly making me ill. I need to exercise, and to eat healthily. That last one is the trickiest though. I'm an all or nothing girl. My brain seems to still be hot wired into old ways of thinking left over from my eating disorder days. I start off by just trying to eat healthily, no sugars etc but my brain doesn't stop there and before I know it I'm eating nothing. Zero. Zilch. I don't know how to eat healthily and sensibly. I don't know how to restrict the unhealthy foods without restricting everything.
I need someway of finding a balance... of being able to cut out certain foods. To learn to nourish my body with the things that it needs.
For today, I am stopping and resting. My husband is home, so in theory there is someone else to keep an eye on the children. I'm going to snuggle on the sofa and do absolutely nothing!!!