I am enough

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 For a long time, I have felt inadequate as a person. I've felt that nothing about me measures up to any one else. I've spent my life chasing after a version of me that just doesn't exist. I always thought that if I could just be more like 'X' then everything would be fine, or if I do exactly what 'Y' has done then things will work out.

I hated myself so much that I couldn't see any thing good in me, I couldn't see how any one else could like let alone love me. I had no faith in myself, I didn't trust myself to make the right decision, or the confidence to just be myself.

Trying to be someone else has done me no good. I've struggled and struggled through life, hating every inch of myself. Wishing to vanish. The one thing that has slowly started to make a difference in the last 6 months is to accept that I am enough. I don't need to be anyone else, I don't need to do what someone else does, or think what they think, or like what they like. I am on my own path, and I have to stop fighting and start accepting.

I am enough and I am doing my best.
I am enough and I am doing my best.

I am enough and I am doing my best.

Repeating in my head over and over, when I feel stressed or blue or inadequate.

The bad stuff is always easier to believe than the good, and easier to remember too. But I'm giving it up. I don't want to look back on my life with regret. All there is is the here and now. I am me and I am enough. I am not someone else and the path that I am taking is the right one.

The last couple of weeks, I've been feeling unsure about my art. I keep comparing myself to other artists, people who have been working on it for years and years (not months and months). I've been allowing myself to feel inadequate. I've been wondering why I'm even bothering as I'm never going to compete with all that they've achieved.

Then some wise words came in an email to me. A friend saying that as much is her love of creating it's only a PART if her life. That she has no desire to build a huge career out of it. Her words sat with me, and I began to realise that I love painting and creating. It fills my soul with joy, and makes me feel so good. I love my simple life, the fact that I can spend so much time with my 3 girls while they are little. I realised that I don't feel the need to create a huge career out of this. I paint because I love it... and if I can spread some of that love by sharing my art then even better. But I don't need or want to compete with others. They are on their path and I am on mine. And I am happy with where the road is leading....

I AM ENOUGH