On Contentment

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

Frederick Keonig

This time last year I wasn't in a good place. I was depressed, I was incredibly sad, I wasn't content, I wasn't happy with my life. What a differnece a year makes! I and my life are unrecognisable from a year ago. This time last year, I drank to drown my sorrows and felt like a total failure. Now I am tee-total, I am happy with who I am, happy with my life, I have this blog and my own business. I finally feel as though I am comfortable in my skin - that I am the person I was always meant to be.

Life hasn't been easy, there have been many obstacles along the way. And I have played the victim role perfectly. I have allowed the things that have happened to me to overtake everything else. Instead of standing up and saying "I will not let this define me", I've sat back and been a passenger in my own life.

Something finally changed in me last year. I hated myself most for being a victim, for complaining not doing, for feeling sorry for myself, for being worthless. For a long time I was looking for someone or something that could magically change everything for the better. Then I realised that that person was me. No one else could help me. No one else could make my life what I wanted.

I dug deep and thought long and hard. I had what a lot of people spend years searching for. I have a husband who loves me, and would do anything for me. I have 3 beautiful daughters. I have a roof over my head, plenty of food to eat, clothes and books, and my freedom. What more could I want? Really?

Yes, I had dreams of something bigger and better. Of living a glamourous life, of being rich, of doing lots of exxciting things. But I don't need anything else. I learnt to appreciate what I have, instead of yearning for what I don't.

So, I got off my butt, I stopped drinking and started doing. One day at a time. Made myself think positive thoughts. Started sewing and painting and creating again. Remembered the joy that I found in being creative. Appreciated all the small things. Stopped fretting about the future and enjoyed the now.

And here I am - just turned 30 - with a home, and a husband, and a family, and my own business. With the freedom to live my life how I want. To spend all day with my girls, to enjoy all the small pleasures. To just be me. 

And that is enough for me.

“If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.” - Cicero

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