Through much of my lifetime, up until the begining of this year. I haven't been comfortable with the Dark that lives within me - anger and sad feelings, etc.
In the past when I felt the Dark rising within me, I would push it down, pretend that I was fine and distract myself to numbness.
Earlier this year, triggered by old feelings, I allowed them to take over me. It felt as though good and evil were fighting it out inside me. Squeezing me hard.
The evil fighting was a 'false self', the voice that told me I'm not good enough, or pretty enough, or worthy of being happy... It was trying to take over. I didn't try and put a mask on, I let it be known that I was fighting the Dark... and let them see it.
I did not run away.
And now I have come out the otherside. The Dark has passed, and I am stronger for it. I am still here - knowing that I have been given a second chance to live the life I want and deserve. Knowing that I am strong enough to fight should the Dark ever rise again. Knowing that I am worthy and enough.
I have grown immesurably from my stand off with the Dark. And I no longer fear it.
Oh, I know this feeling. So important to ride those emotions, but also to let them pass. I'm happy for you in dealing with it honestly, in learning from it. Love and light to you.
ReplyDeleteJuliana
i hear all th time people trying to stamp out the dark... with denial or with 'positive thinking'. it's there, it's real, it requires attention.
ReplyDeleteyou're an inspiration.
I am still learning this. Unfortunately, I can not deal with my dark sides alone, but I have found help in a wonderful woman who I see once a week and who challenges me to both invite in and let pass those dark feelings. It's hard work, but like you did I hope to come out stronger at the other end.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog, it is beautiful. I can relate to this post as I am going to my own dark period. But those who visit the land of Hades and come back grow as a person and acquire wisdom--which, from your words, it seems you have. I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog, it is beautiful. I can relate to this post as I am going to my own dark period. But those who visit the land of Hades and come back grow as a person and acquire wisdom--which, from your words, it seems you have. I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeletei hear all th time people trying to stamp out the dark... with denial or with 'positive thinking'. it's there, it's real, it requires attention.
ReplyDeleteyou're an inspiration.